Family support
Should I divorce my addicted spouse?
This is not a question anyone else can answer for you. But it is a question that deserves careful thought rather than crisis-driven reaction. What follows is a framework for thinking clearly about an impossibly emotional decision.
Questions to consider
Is your spouse willing to seek treatment? Has treatment been tried and failed repeatedly? Are you or your children physically safe? Is your own mental and physical health deteriorating? Have you exhausted your own support resources (Al-Anon, therapy, CRAFT)? Are you staying out of love or out of guilt, obligation, or fear? Would you advise a friend in your situation to stay?
Reasons people stay
Love for the person they were before addiction. Hope for recovery. Fear of financial instability. Children. Religious or cultural beliefs. Guilt about leaving a sick person. Fear of being alone. Some of these are healthy reasons. Some are not. Therapy helps distinguish between them.
Reasons people leave
Repeated treatment without sustained change. Physical or emotional abuse (addiction does not excuse abuse). Children's safety or wellbeing compromised. Own health deteriorating. Enabling dynamic that neither party can break while together. The person you married has been replaced by the disease for years with no improvement.
Making the decision from clarity
Do not make this decision during a crisis (after a binge, after a fight, after an overdose). Get your own therapist. Attend Al-Anon for perspective from people who understand. Give yourself a timeline for evaluating change (3-6 months with clear expectations communicated). Consult a family lawyer to understand your options. The decision should come from clarity, not from the worst or best moment.
After the decision
If you stay: clear boundaries, continued Al-Anon, your own therapy, and realistic expectations. If you leave: it is not abandonment of a sick person. It is self-preservation. You can still love someone you cannot live with. Your children need at least one stable parent.