How to help someone with anxiety: What to say and do

Supporting someone with anxiety requires a different approach than you might expect. Many well-intentioned responses — reassuring them that everything is fine, encouraging them to just relax, helping them avoid anxiety-provoking situations — can actually make anxiety worse.

What helps

Validate their experience without validating the fear. Say "I can see this is really difficult for you" rather than "there is nothing to worry about." The first acknowledges their distress; the second dismisses it. Be present without trying to fix. Sometimes the most helpful thing is simply sitting with someone during their anxiety without trying to solve it. "I am here with you" is often more valuable than advice. Encourage them toward anxiety, not away from it. This sounds counterintuitive, but avoidance reinforces anxiety. Gently encouraging someone to face anxiety-provoking situations (at a manageable pace) is more helpful than helping them avoid those situations. Ask what they need instead of assuming. "What would be helpful right now?" respects their autonomy and avoids imposing your ideas about what should help. Learn about their specific anxiety. Understanding whether someone has generalized anxiety, social anxiety, panic disorder, or OCD helps you respond more effectively. Each has different patterns and different helpful responses.

What makes anxiety worse

Saying "just relax" or "calm down." If they could just relax, they would. This communicates that you think their anxiety is a choice. Providing excessive reassurance. Reassurance-seeking is a common anxiety behavior, and providing it reinforces the cycle. Brief reassurance is fine; repeated reassurance about the same fear feeds the anxiety. Accommodating avoidance. Helping someone avoid anxiety-provoking situations (ordering food for them, making phone calls for them, skipping events because they are anxious) provides short-term relief but reinforces the belief that they cannot handle the situation. Expressing frustration about their anxiety. This adds shame to the anxiety, making both worse.

Encouraging professional help

Anxiety disorders are highly treatable — CBT is effective for approximately 60-80% of people with anxiety. If someone's anxiety is significantly impacting their life, professional treatment can make a dramatic difference. Offer to help find a therapist, come to the first appointment, or simply provide encouragement. Our free anxiety screening can help them assess whether their symptoms warrant professional evaluation.

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Authoritative sources

This article references guidelines from: NIH · NAMI · APA · Harvard Health · Mayo Clinic

Frequently asked questions

Disclaimer: Informational only. Not medical advice. SAMHSA: 1-800-662-4357.