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How to set boundaries with someone in active addiction

Published October 28, 2025 · 8 min read · Updated April 2026

Reviewed for accuracy by licensed clinical professionals.

What boundaries are

A boundary is a statement about what YOU will and will not accept, enforced through your own actions. It is not about controlling the other person. Example: I will not be in the car when you have been drinking. I will leave if you come home intoxicated.

Boundaries vs ultimatums

An ultimatum threatens consequences you may not follow through on. A boundary states what you will do — and you do it consistently. Boundaries are about your behavior, not theirs.

Common boundaries

I will not give you money. I will not lie to cover for you. I will not have alcohol or drugs in my home. I will not engage when you are intoxicated. I will call the police if you are violent.

Following through

The hardest part is enforcement. A boundary not enforced teaches the person that your words mean nothing. Get support from Al-Anon, therapy, or trusted friends to maintain the strength to follow through.

Authoritative sources

This article references guidelines from: SAMHSA · NIDA · ASAM

Frequently asked questions

How do I set boundaries with an addict?

State clearly what you will and will not accept. Frame boundaries around your own actions, not demands on their behavior. Follow through consistently.

Is setting boundaries the same as giving up?

No. Boundaries are an act of love — for yourself and for the person with addiction. Removing consequences (enabling) is what prevents change.

What if they get angry when I set boundaries?

Anger is a common reaction. It does not mean your boundary is wrong. Stay calm, restate the boundary, and follow through. Their anger is about losing the ability to use without consequences.

Disclaimer: Informational only. Not medical advice. SAMHSA: 1-800-662-4357.