Family support

Emotional abuse and addiction: When your partner is both addicted and abusive

Published October 9, 2024 · 8 min read · Updated April 2026

Reviewed for accuracy by licensed clinical professionals.

Addiction and emotional abuse frequently co-occur. The addiction does not excuse the abuse, and recovery does not automatically resolve it.

Signs of emotional abuse

Gaslighting (making you doubt your reality). Isolation from friends and family. Controlling behavior. Constant criticism and belittling. Using addiction as an excuse for cruelty. Blaming you for their substance use. Financial control. Threats.

The critical distinction

Addiction may explain behavior but never excuses abuse. Some abusive behavior stops with sobriety. Some continues because the person is both addicted AND abusive. Recovery from addiction does not guarantee recovery from abusiveness.

Safety

National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233. Safety planning is essential. You can support their recovery while protecting yourself. Leaving may be necessary regardless of their addiction status.

Authoritative sources

This article references guidelines from: SAMHSA · NIDA · ASAM

Frequently asked questions

Is my addicted partner abusive or just using?

Addiction explains but does not excuse abuse. Some abuse stops with sobriety. Some continues because both conditions exist independently.

Will the abuse stop if they get sober?

Possibly. Some abusive behavior is substance-driven and resolves. Some persists because the person has both conditions.

Where do I get help?

National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233. Al-Anon for the addiction component. Individual therapy for yourself.

Disclaimer: Informational only. Not medical advice. SAMHSA: 1-800-662-4357.